I am Missy I was created for the daytime. My goal was to be so perfect because for so long I thought what was happening to us was all my fault. I am a very obedient girl and I am soft spoken. I hunger for kind words from others. I am so very vulnerable and I hurt easily! I continue to smile and hold my own so no one knows what I endure! I am seven years of age. The father is next to start hurting me and he will continue until I am fifteen years old. That was only because he was killed in a trucking accident! I always tried to love the father but mostly I cannot admit that he is my father. Everywhere I turn there is always someone trying to manipulate and use me for their sickness.
This is Tamara and I was sexually abused and used by my father for eight years. At the time I thought that I was special because he paid so much attention, to me that was what I desperately needed and wanted. How does one's mind deal with those thoughts. For so long in therapy I felt so disgusted with myself because of feeling that way.
I do not like talking, my anxiety level is so high that my conversing with others is so difficult that I cannot manage things. I am doing this to help others! I did not come on the scene until I was school age. The anxiety came from trying my best to cope with other children of so many different ages and the abuse they heaped on me. I was was very plump and I wore baby high back shoes because I had flat feet and because of wht the grandfather did to my anally when I was three years of age. I was set into a new atmosphere and I was made fun of by almost everyone. You see there were higher grades with the school I went to because it was a farm community and this is how they did it at that time.
The high school students were right next door and when we had lunch time they would come over and hurt the younger students. They put me in a car's truck during lunch hour. I could have smothered to death. My older sister who was five years older then me came and rescued me. I know that from then on I would break out in hives on my arms with little bumps. That is my signature when I am out!
I love my name because it says it all. I am one who loves fantasy simply because the family I came from is so cruel and tormenting. I came on the scene at the age of six years. My younger years were left to the little ones and they were the stronger ones. After this horrible abuse and trauma keeps continuing I know i have t take over . There no other way to survive but be in a fantasy world! This is why I came for this family of abuse and trauma!
I took my stand when I became the sugarplum fairy in my first grade Christmas play. I continued to go on and created this facade of my family being so wonderful and loving me so much. It was not until I reached the age of fifty years old that I came to understand that I was just one more alter to help cope with trauma that was so horrendous that I could not be truthful to myself or anyone else. I remained even into adulthood until I came to realize that we were created and came to be when Tamara came to consciousness in he year 1995. I would like be there even in the year of 2015 but I know that Tamara deserves to survive and to thrive.
I am so afraid of talking because I am frightened that they will come after me. But I must talk about this because I am constantly haunted by my memories! I just do no want to accept that my father did such a horrible thing and he laughed about killing our favorite goats. I am so glad he is dead.
I am six years old and my sisters and myself got goats so we could name and they were our pets and we loved them. Little did we know that the father would be so disgustingly cruel as to kill all of the goats. I did not want to believe this but my older sister(fleshly) told me this is what our fleshly father did. Then I finally came to realize why I have these memories that I am set in this surrounding with several hooded men and I was forced to drink the goats blood. And That my father was the culprit who used satanic rites. I wondered during my years to go that why would he do this because he was supposed to be one of the "Lattered Day Saints" or Mormons. He never lived that life when he was with my fleshly family!
I am the one who lives in this trance because i cannot cope with what my father did.I am constantly in a numb state. Please don't let it be my real father!
I am here to tell you that through this horrible abuse and trauma I came to be in a different aspect and this is my desire to be a ballerina! I can relate to Sugar Plum because I agree I am very valuable and it is simply because I set an example of beauty even among tragedy and this is my cause to be come!
When all around you is nothing but cruelty and abuse on the full schedule I am one to help to make things light and happy. I want to bring in some type of beauty into this life of cruelty and so much abuse. I promise to be on the scene for a longtime because they need me! I even had ballerina shoes to help me learn this and I loved it no matter what! No matter othrs think I have been very valuable to Tamara and wilol cntinue even when she does not need me!
This is Tamara and I do not need Sugar Plum or Katrina's help but I am glad they were there for me in childhood! I live in reality and they helped me in my young years!
I am created because the older sister of our fleshly family sexually abused me at a very young age and she was a pronounced Lesbian. I am in a very closed closet because this person sexually abused me several times as I was very young. You may not understand but by her sexually abusing me I felt from that day forward I am a lesbian too. This is why I live in a closet. I hate her and hated her for many years. However, I did not let it show to anyone in my life! Hopefully in time I will get out of this closet because I am not what her actions made me feel. said I was!
This is Tamara and my oldest sister sexually abused me when I was very young. She was very cruel and hated for some reason. I am happy to say the feelings of hate is gone and I only feel sad that it was done.
I would like to say I am smart but the oldest sister kept making me aware that I am just an idiot! Our barn is burning and the lightening is making fires come up in our lives. There is a horrible storm coming down with much thunder and lightening and the big tree was pushed down because of this storm. I was only six years old and my oldest sister would call me an idiot because I was so afraid. I was stupid for no reason. I understand that she should not have been old enough to take care of me. My mother was in the wrong! Of course my mother was out drinking! I sit in a corner for many years because I can not talk, I cannot think I cannot talk and I cannot even sit up right!
Learn about my younger alters
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