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I am the little Spanish girl who loves to eat great spicy food. I of course hide my food so no one knows the real amount that I eat. I do so love pickles and the mother used to can and make very yummy garlic dill pickles. I had a hole in my floor in my bedroom where while the mother was asleep I would go in and take a jar of the pickles and I would eat all of them that night! At the end of summer I had eaten fifty quarts of pickles without my mother knowing! Yum to my tum! No regrets!
When push comes to shove I will appear just to keep the little ones from having any more pain. I am much older and can deal with things far better because of my age and my own personality. My name is Jennifer and I am the counterpart of Tamara's sister who is two years older then Tamara. You can tell when I am out because i have a very feisty attitude and no one better get in my way. I am not violent in anyway but I am strong and I am what they call a tomboy. I like sports and competition with others and I love to do debates. I can hold my own even when other falter.
I like being out on the p;playground playing baseball and volley ball. I try my best to keep the level of anxiety down through physical exertion. I wear out pretty much simply because I am trying to get rid of the severe anxiety built up from constant fear of the others. I came into being simply through going to junior high school and high school. I was always called Tammy and I never corrected them. I have been here through the 23 years of marriage, in fact I dealt with Charles abuse on a daily basis. I kept thinking that he loved me because he said so and nobody in my growing up family ever said that to me.But time when by and it took a great long time to realize that Charles was systematically abusing me on a daily basis.
I am the one who has been very needy just because of my upbringing. I see that now because I put up with so much for such a long time. Although I stayed around for a few years after I left my husband soon Tamara realized she did not need my so-called help. This is when her strength came to the fore. She is not needy anymore. She has come into her own as they say! I came along in history when Tamara's oldest sister was trying to kill her by choking her to death. For some reason she hated Tamara. This was no joke she was really wanting me dead. My mother heard the noise and saved me. Tamara's sister kept bossing her around making her wait on her hand and foot and I decided to come out to take care of the situation. I told her that I was not going to wait on her anymore. This is when she put her hand around Tamara's throat.
I was named after the pop called Shasta because I have pizzassss! I knew that there had to be a change and this is why I stepped in. I have remained until adulthood when the other alters could not stand up for themselves. I am not afraid of anyone or anything! I am an asset! I was created during the early teen years when Tamara's father was sexually abusing her. I am not an outrageous alter but I can be counted on when things get scary and lonely for the others. I come around and carry many of the others tears because they are afraid to cry or show any emotion at all.I must tell you the word fear is so insignificant because in their hearts there is always this foreboding that never stops. Terror is always in their hearts. I do my best to help and comfort them but sometimes I need help myself!
If you were to see me I would be very strongly built. I have been around to help Tamara when it came to doing physical things because at the age of 12 years she weighed 170 Lbs. She had no self confidence and I would step in to show others that she could do her best. That was my only purpose of being around. I just wanted her to be able to count of someone who would not let her down and let others laugh at her. She was very sensitive and I tried my best to be there for her.
I suppose you think I have a crazy name and you might be right about that. When Tamara went to college she lived in a dorm and the president of the floor was a girl named Tom Dooley(her nickname) so because I laughed a great deal of the time she named me Tiny Bubbles because of the song by Don Ho in fact she bought me the album so I could listen to it. I always said I was going to be here forever because life is no fun without laughter. Actually most of my laughter was a cover up for my fear and anxiety and being away from home it was so different. I liked living in a dorm with so many other young girls but I was not good with structure. That was my down fall. I kept popping up quite often throughout Tamara's life. But things must change for the better.
I have come onto the scene during the molesting of Tamara by her father. I am a young teenager.I spent time with Tamara's father because the mother has already gone to bed and I am supposed to take her place by cooking something for him when he gets home. He always comes home drunk. I do not like his breath. He makes me sit on his lap. I like to hear him tell me how beautiful I am and whether I have a boy friend. I truly thought he cared about me but how stupid I was to think that . He was a master manipulator and I was his pawn in this scenario.I have not had any love from anyone so I am hoping his attention is honest but of course it is not and I am trapped. I hate him and his breath and his disgusting ways of getting to me. I want to throw up and make sure it goes on him. Of course that would be my fault also. I am so good at stuffing things simply because I have to be. If you looked at me I would be very round from holding in these secrets.
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