Before I started working in therapy I did not remember any of my childhood. I did not know why that was. I was told that I had compartmentalized things in my life that were traumatic so I would not have to remember it. So, I step out into my therapy in the way that I know if I do this I will soon remember what my childhood was like. The fact I found to be true is that I did not like what I began to see. My fairy tale life had been exposed as a fraud and how hopeless I felt from this .After many days and many tears my heart told me that if my childhood was not what I thought it was then it was time for me to know.
This became a truly painful but amazing journey.As I work with my therapist I learned new things and started remembering why I blocked out many years of my life. The human spirit is resilient and I am so happy for that. You must remember that with the bad memories come some funny ones also and this made it seem not quite so difficult. Most memories would land me in bed for days. Believe me that is no way to live. Many suicidal thoughts but I really did not want that I was in just so much pain. Then came the day when the pain subsided and I was able to get out of the bed and try to find some semblance of life for me. Life got lighter and brighter and memories not so overwhelming. I remember that time was so wonderful. I was living a new life.
So even though my bad memories come few and far between I have many good memories and am building new memories for myself. I feel secure with myself and hopeful for many bright days to follow with God's help!
My senses are awakened when I am by the ocean.