I remember when I first decided to write my Memoir, it was not so much for myself but for others who might be suffering with this diagnosis. The one important thing I forgot was the fact that I was suffering too. I have always put others before me because in my heart as a child I never thought I was worth anything and everyone else was important but not myself. I always thought I was such a generous person but in reality it was not generosity it was because I felt I had no value. I think of those thoughts today and it makes me feel so very sad because I was such a wounded child and I did not even know the truth. I could feel so sad right now and I know I will in time but now my sharing with others is more important. I love it when others share with me and I can share with them. This is our gift.
What is the greatest gift you can give to your children?
I often wonder how I may put my life in my Creator's hands in a more complete way. I feel that the greatest gift I have is being able to talk to him in prayer. I can talk to him about anything and he listens and he gives me direction and if I am wise I will follow it. I know that I am a person with freedom of choice however, I do want my choices to be in adherence to my Creator's principals. It may sound silly to some people but I talk to God all through the day.That is just how close I feel to him. It has never been too difficult to let God lead me except for my ego, so I guess that was not the real truth. I hate my ego, I would like to kick it to the curb but I do not know how to do that.
I have been doing a great deal of thinking in the past few days and I have realized something very amazing to myself. I keep thinking i know something and I can help others because of my history in life. This is all well and good but the honest fact is when ever I try to do things on my own I always fail. I do not like admitting that simply because I want others to think better of me. However, if I do this, it is just false pride on my part. Now you can see why I did not want to admit that. My God in heaven allows me to go about and make my own mistakes until I finally realize that everything I do fails because I do not take God into the picture. I want him to guide me and take me to places that I have never been and it will not happen unless I turn my life over to him. So, each morning when I ask I ask my Creator to tell me what to do and then I know everything will be a success. I need to do this daily!
My senses are awakened when I am by the ocean.