Well as I have spoken before in my blog I came under the control of alcohol and it slowly started controlling every part of my life. However I was not in the right mind to address the problem. I lived in so much denial for so long. I came to believe it was my husband's fault because he abused me in so many ways.
I must be totally honest I used my husband as an excuse. He never wanted to believe I was an alcoholic because in his mind and in his words, alcoholics are no good SOB. I do not like that word so I abbreviated it. Also he would always tell me that alcoholics had no right to be alive. I went into thirty day treatment in house treatment centers and never did I get any support after I got home.
I cannot blame him because I started drinking when I was twenty one years of age right about the same time I met him. I knew some really traumatic things about this man but he reminded me so much of my father that I knew I would marry him. At that time I did not realize this fact in fact I did not realize until after I left him for the third time and never went back.That was about 28 years later with much therapy. However, I still cannot blame him because I was so sick myself and did not even realize until this time period.
I have to take responsibility for my disease and for my recovery. It is only this way that I can truly come to grips with my childhood and to heal!
My senses are awakened when I am by the ocean.