My strength is finally coming back after having pneumonia so being sick is not something that I enjoy but I need to go slow and get over my sickness. In this world we do not know what is going to happen from day to the next day and so we need to be vigilant to what is most important to us. I have been wondering if I really want to write another book. I have been having my doubts and I do not know what I am going to do at this time. This has been something that I have been wondering about for a while. Right now my heart does not seem to be in going forward into another book. I know I have four chapters written on a second book but my zeal for writing seems to be ebbing.
Janice is a writer and has written several very popular books for the greatest publishing company in New York City. She has a very close relationship with him and he feels as if she is his own daughter and he is very proud of her. He did not want her to move so far away but she promised that each week she would email him three chapters of the new book she is presently writing. Things begin to happen that are very disconcerting to her. And she starts questioning her own self. and someone she had had dinner with before she moved comes back into her life and this is where things make her question her sanity. I will write more as my story develops more. Have the best of days!
As you know I have had the opportunity to do some public speaking at my local library. There was a great turn out and I am proud to say I had many wonderful review thanks to those who came to learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder or Multiple Personality Disorder.I gave out the first chapter of my book and my business card and was given much complementary statements.I will be doing so much more of this. My next goal is to get in touch with the Association of Psychologists in the State of Maine.There I am interested in being on forums where I can educate so ,many out in society and in the Psychology ara to get those to understand the importance of the information that I have to share. I am so determined to keep going and find many more avenues to be heard whether it is media or Universities.
I feel that my journey has taken a different direction because my book needs to be marketed so my work will be to get my book out into the public into the universities and Colleges because they need to be educated in the diagnosis that I had and those who are wanting to go in Psychology need this information. The fact is DID is not as rare as many in the working field think to be the case. There was a study done in the UK alone by a specialist in this area and it is estimated that between 250,000 and 2,000,000 people have this diagnosis. This is astronomical! That means those of us who have this diagnosis are not alone and this is good and we are not freaks but highly creative and intelligent people who survived so many traumatic events in our lives!
I have this dilemma going on in my mind. I am beginning my market of my book entitled 'SHATTERED TO THE CORE" it is now on Amazon as a kindle. Now my concern is my time. I wish I could split myself but that is not possible so I have the problem of knowing which I want to add or delete from my time so I can do other important things. I do not want this dilemma but it appears that this is on my plate at this very moment. I do not like the idea of giving anything up but time only permits certain thing. I am supposed to start my second book which is a psychological thriller. I have four chapters finished but I have not been doing anything on my second book because I need to market my first book and that takes time. I am stumped. I guess I will just have to pray about it. Hope your day is free from dilemmas bye for now!
I just wanted to share my book cover with you and maybe if you could tell me if you like or dislike it that would be great. Anyway just a few more days and my book will be on Amazon and it will be available as an eBook and kindle so you can download it. This would make a wonderful christmas present for anyone who is interested in this diagnosis and whether or not it is true. Yes, it is true and I lived it so I can testify to that. Those who know others with this diagnosis would benefit from reading it because it will help you to understand the true dynamics of the diagnosis and teach them very beneficial things. With the estimation that between 1% and 3% of the earth's population actually have this diagnosis so it is not as rare as many people would think. Who knows you may know someone who does have this diagnosis and you were never aware of that fact.
This excerpt is fro chapter 19 which is about Doris and Dorothy learn from these words:
This chapter is about Doris and Dorothy and their mutual characteristics and personalities. They have flaws, which are quite numerous. Doris is the oldest persona of the two. Dorothy came to be through the actions of Doris. Therefore, I guess you could say that Doris gave birth to Dorothy. This is only in a symbolic way of course.
Wait just one minute; I am the one who should be writing this part not you Tamara. My name is Dorothy, and I am more dominant then Doris is and that is why I should be the one to speak here. I believe my dominance has helped me to take care of Doris and her emotional needs.
Both Doris and I came to be, and Doris having given me life. I do not mean fleshly birth, but one that is symbolic. You see, there is so much involved in our relationship. You need to know that Doris is the counterpart of Tamara's fleshly mother and Dorothy the counterpart for Tamara's fleshly sister Susan.
In our desperation to be loved and accepted by the fleshly family we felt that if we started drinking like the mother and sister then they(the fleshly mother and sister) would like Tamara more so this was when Doris and Dorothy were created.
First,this is Dorothy and I am much younger than Doris is, and though I came from her, I ended up being the one who took care of Doris as if she was my child, but she was not. The stress was too much so we used alcohol to feel numb. I first started out on the scene at Tamara's sisters wedding. We drank lots of champagne and got drunk and blacked out. This caused much trouble for Tamara and it seems as though that is all we have done for Tamara is cause her pain.
We only were able to come to the fore sporadically in the beginning and for good reason. All we ever do is cause trouble. The next time we came to the fore was when Tamara turned twenty-one years old and she went bowling with her sisters and mother. We helped her get drunk, we told ourselves it helped Tamara to bowl better which is real strange rationalization. We stayed behind the scene for a long time after that.
From that point, we came out more after Tammy married Charles. Of course, he was not very nice to Tammy and she felt that she could not live without a man in her life so she took the abuse and we were there to help her out when she needed it. Therefore, we came to be very useful to Tammy even though we did cause so much trouble for Tamara. The first several years of the marriage we were not around much.
You see Tamara never liked the drinking and she still was not strong enough to
assert herself. That is why Tammy was there all the time. I am ashamed to say that the drinking did affect Tammy's three sons. The drinking emotionally hurt them however, things are much better now.
You see, we all were hurt in many ways, and we were not wanted. After sixteen years of being married to Charles Tamara finally got enough courage to come to the fore and get help with the drinking by putting herself into a thirty-day facility for her drinking. Of course she was not to know about us for a very long time.
Tamara came to the fore more now that there was no use of alcohol for the next four and a half years. This was when Tamara started having some flashbacks of incest which she did not want to believe. This gave Doris and me the opportunity to come to the fore again. Tamara did not want this behavior in her life so she started going to AA, which was good in some respects, but in others were not.
You have to realize that by Tamara going to these meetings Charles thought she was just going there to meet men. He was very jealous and possessive. In later years she realized this was because he had been spending time with other women so this is where the jealousy and mistrust came from.
One major thing that you need to know about us is that Doris is the internalized counterpart of the fleshly mother. Dorothy is the internalized counterpart of the fleshly mother's first daughter.
We did not know how to deal with things, we could not run away, so therefore, we just started doing what Tamara's mother and sister did when the stress was bad. In addition, we feel so bad that we lost our tempers with Tamara's three boys. Of course, most of the time they thought it was humorous. Both Doris and I feel bad about many things but we did not know what else to do.
One time when Tamara's middle son was trying to be a smart-Alec because he had grown taller then Tamara, who was only four foot and ten inches tall, he was trying to intimidate Tamara. I came out (this is Dorothy speaking) and I backed him into a corner and proceeded to tell him I had no fear of him and he could stop acting like that.
That was when he just bust out laughing because he knew what he was trying to do did not work. One thing about me is that I am a more aggressive persona then Doris; she is more the type to hold back and not assert herself, which is when I take up the slack so to speak.
Tammy could not deal with the fact that the man who kept telling her that he loved her actually hated women and this was truly hurting her especially because she could not see this. Because of being shattered into many personalities this is why she could not possibly understand his hate of women. The amazing thing to realize here is that in real life there were so many issues in the marriage between Tammy and Charles that things were not always very clear to see.
From the outside looking in things were hard to decipher. Because even though at that time Tamara was not aware of the different persona's, it was impossible to get the proper help from anyone. The only time that Doris was afraid was when Charles threatened to kill Tammy because she was just having fears about his guns. He never took her feelings into consideration and he was always using foul language at her all the time.
This is Dorothy, unlike Susan I did not start drinking until I was twenty-one years old. The drinking did not become any problem for several years. It caused much havoc in Tamara's fleshly family. I did not have too much responsibility in the fleshly family. I did not know how to take care of three boys and Charles did not help in fact he was very hard on all of them and Tammy would stand in-between them to protect them.
I have learned to be more loving, but it has been very difficult in many ways. I hate the idea of feeling that I need to use alcohol to have any relief or some type of normalcy in the life that Tamara lived in the last four years of being married to Charles. We did very well in not drinking even though there was so many issues going on and I believe this is because I had the sense to go to AA meetings. Both myself and Dorothy started to love ourselves and then we could see that we did not have to drink to be okay.
Today is the first day of the last month of another year. It seems that things just move too fast. I wanted to let you know that there may be a delay in getting my Memoir on Amazon. I am a little nervous about the whole situation because I promised everyone that comes to my website but my hands are tied on this one. Anyway it may still turn out when I said it would but please be patient with me because things in this world happen and you cannot know before hand and this is all I can say about the matter. I needed to let you know in advance just in case. Things may just turn out great so do not get too upset! I try to keep my word in everything but circumstances has a way of changing things sometimes!
Have you ever started this project and then for some unknown reason there is a delay in the procedure and then you begin to worry. This is what I am going through at this time. I have been waiting for my book cover but because the graphic designer that is doing it has been booked so much with other jobs of photography that she has not been able to finish it when I said it would be on my website for you to see. This is something I cannot complain about because she is doing this job for me without any cost to myself. When I contacted her about doing my book cover and I told her my story she said I was the gem in her life and she was going to do this great work without charging me anything at all. I could hardly believe my ears when she said this over the telephone. My anticipation is running high because of my excitement about my book cover. Hope you all can understand this from your point of view!-
This excerpt is about the alter Shasta:
However, you need to remember that I am not a violent persona at all. My body will proceed to come closer to the edge of whatever in time. In addition, my actions are not violent because I may be afraid of the person but because the little ones become frightened themselves. I have a very up beat attitude and those who talk with me can see that I am of special concern, not that I am better.
I have a lovely sense of humor and everyone seems to like that. I show that by my funny poetry that deals with Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb who love to drink and the humor I see in them. When we first realized that Doris was a binge drinker there was humor to that because of the silly things she did when she was drinking.
My name is after the Shasta pop they used to produce. They may still produce it I am not sure. I suppose it is because I have pizzazz Yes, you may say that getting angry is negative but not in the way I use it. I like to upset people in ways but nothing seriously. I just like to tease people; especially people who do not want to see what I am trying to tell them. It frustrates them, and I get this sense of power.
My senses are awakened when I am by the ocean.